Guess what? I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

Guess what? I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it!

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me Kit Kat bars.

Guess what? I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Guess what? I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

Guess what? I'm writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don't buy it.

Guess what? I went to a bakery and asked for a bread roll. They said they only had whole wheat. So, I asked for a half roll.

Guess what? I told my friend a joke about an elevator, but it was an uplifting experience for him.

Guess what? I tried to catch some fog yesterday, but I mist.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on glue. I can't seem to put it down.

Guess what? I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.

Guess what? I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Guess what? I used to be a gardener, but I couldn't find my roots.

Guess what? I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

Guess what? I'm friends with all electricians because we have such good current connections.

Guess what? I went to a dance class, but I didn't find it very electrifying.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of wristwatches, but it was a waist of time.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on invisibility. It's really hard to put down.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.

Guess what? I used to be a tailor, but I wasn't suited for it.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the elevators because they're always up for a good conversation

Guess what? I went to a math competition, but it was a fraction of what I expected.

Guess what? I tried to write a book about the environment, but it didn't have enough space.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on time travel. I'll tell you how it ends yesterday.

Guess what? I used to be a shoe salesman, but I lost my sole.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the calendars because they have so many dates.

Guess what? I went to the bakery, but they were all out of doughnuts. It was a hole-y experience.

Guess what? I tried to become a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the brooms because they sweep me off my feet.

Guess what? I told my friend a joke about paper, but it was tearable.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's unputdownable.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of wristwatches, but it was a waist of time.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the trees because they have the longest stories.

Guess what? I went to a photography class, but it was just a negative experience.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the pencils because they have a great point.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach pictures.

Guess what? I went to a cooking class, but I couldn't make the cut.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on submarines. It's underwhelming.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me snack recipes.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the calculators because we add up to a lot.

Guess what? I went to a zoo, but they only had one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the stairs because they're always up for an adventure.

Guess what? I went to a restaurant, but it was full of old people. It was a senior buffet.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me relaxation tips.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on teleportation. It's taking me places.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me postcards.

Guess what? I tried to become a baker, but I couldn't make enough "dough" (money).

Guess what? I'm friends with all the plants because they're great at photosynthesis.

Guess what? I went to a shoe store, but they didn't have my size. It was a big "heel" (deal).

Guess what? I'm reading a book on silence. It's so quiet, I can't hear a word of it.

Guess what? I told my friend a joke about gardening, but it was too "earthy" for them.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a "waist" of time.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the mapmakers because they really know where it's at.

Guess what? I went to a comedy club, but they only had one comedian. It was a stand-up "loner."

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me relaxation music.

Guess what? I tried to become a gardener, but I couldn't find my "roots."

Guess what? I'm friends with all the birds because they tweet the best stories.

Guess what? I went to a music store, but they didn't have any instruments. It was note-worthy.

Guess what? I'm reading a book on mirrors. It's quite reflective.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of old batteries, but it was "shocking."

Guess what? I'm friends with all the doors because they're always open to new experiences.

Guess what? I went to a bakery and asked for a slice of bread. They said, "Loaf's the best we can do."

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me pillow recommendations.

Guess what? I tried to become a tailor, but it wasn't "seam" (seem) like the right fit.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the clouds because they always have their heads in the sky.

Guess what? I went to a library, but they didn't have any books on comedy. It was a "novel" experience.

Guess what? I told my friend a joke about cereal, but it was too "corny."

Guess what? I'm reading a book on doors. It's an open-and-shut case.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was too "time"-consuming.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the dogs because they're "pawsome."

Guess what? I went to a bakery and asked for a baguette, but they gave me the cold shoulder.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me hammock ads.

Guess what? I tried to become a barber, but I couldn't "cut" it.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the cookies because they're so "sweet."

Guess what? I went to a restaurant, but they only served hot dogs. It was a "barking" success.

Guess what? I told my friend a joke about batteries, but it wasn't very "energizing."

Guess what? I'm reading a book on singing. It's quite a "note-worthy" read.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of old car tires, but it was a "wheel-y" bad idea.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the dictionaries because they have the "word" on everything.

Guess what? I went to a zoo, but they only had one animal, a dog. It was a "zoo-per" experience.

Guess what? I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me hammock assembly instructions.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the candles because they light up my life.

Guess what? I went to a movie theater, but they only showed films about ships. It was a "maritime" audience.

Guess what? I told my friend a joke about tires, but it just went "flat."

Guess what? I'm reading a book on stairs. It's quite an "uplifting" story.

Guess what? I tried to make a belt out of spaghetti, but it was a "noodle"-brained idea.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the mountains because they have the highest aspirations.

Guess what? I went to a garden store, but they only had one plant. It was a "tree-mendous" discovery.

Guess what? I'm friends with all the books because they're full of "page"-turning stories.

Guess what? I went to a fishing tournament, but it was a real "catch."

Guess what I saw at the zoo? Two blackbirds fighting over a loaf of bread. One had a stale roll.

Guess what my boss just came back from? His vacation in Boss-Bados.

Guess what you call a sleeping piece of paper? A napkin.

Guess what the man got when he won the Scrabble tournament? A re-word.

Guess what Santa calls his elves? Subordinate Clauses.

Guess what horses, donkeys, cows, goats, and sheep all have in common? They're all very stable animals.

Guess what you get when you cross a Pointer and a Setter dog with a Christmas wreath? A Pointsettia!

Guess what the reason was that the doves got arrested? Because they staged a coo!

Guess what you call a baby reindeer's first teeth? Buck teeth!

Guess why elephants always get the first word? Because they're trunk-ated!